#21

There are eight members in my family--not counting Ugali (the dog) but only because we do not know her birthday. All of our birthdays fall in different months, and then my parent's anniversary is in a totally different month as well. It's really pretty cool. It literally has some great holiday that means something to us every month! =D Although August has 2 amazing holidays, seeing as how that is Em's month AND it is also the month that has the momentous National Mustard Day. Oh yeah, baby, oh yeah. Beast that is. ^_^

We kick of the year with Mike's birthday. He's the baby of the family even though he is growing up SO fast. He just turned 6, lost his first tooth... I'm freaking out. He's getting SO big! Next up is our Valentine baby. Gracie turned 9 this year. She got 2 pet gerbils. I cannot believe how mature she is becoming. May is when my parents will be celebrating... 27? years of marriage. Mummy's birthstone of pearl has her born in the month of June. Exactly 1 month later, to the day, Isabelle will be turning... Oh my word!!! 11! Holy shiitake. As I mentioned above, we celebrate both National Mustard Day and my darling sister's 14th birthday. October my little brother--Or not so little as the case may be--turns 16. Have I said "HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!!!" yet? Well if not... HOLY SHIITAKE MUSHROOMS!!! December brings yet another year for my father who is already "older than dirt".

Now because I am sure that you're hanging on my ever word and you were counting and paying attention and the like, you noticed that I neglected to mention my own birthday. To be honest, there is a reason for that. I am not particularly excited to be celebrating the fact that I've made it to 17 without dying, injuring myself, and all that good stuff. I'm kinda... Almost dreading it. I'm scared! I feel like I am some sorta fail at life because I'm just about 17 years old and I don't have a job, I don't have a license or even a permit... Oi. I've never read the Bible all the way through. I haven't really done that much with my life yet. I know so many people who are even younger than I am and have done so much more with their lives.


But then I got to thinking. Yes, I haven't done any of those things yet, but I'm getting there. I'm doing things at my pace and that is okay. Yes, I feel a little bit guilty about how long it has takken me because there were some things I had told myself I would do and didn't... There were some plans I'd been making... But God can still work with me, work through me. He still loves me as I am.

So I'm still a little bit... ugh about my birthday. I am excited only because I know that I FINALLY get to see the awesome and thoughtful b-day cards my little siblings created for me and it means I get the 5 awesome CDs I picked out for myself. =P I'm still not sure what I want to "do" for my birthday, cause I'm not sure that I really want to celebrate my 17th birthday by going to the library. I did that for my "sweet sixteen", ya know! Hehehe. Oh!!! I just had a thought! I can go to Coldstone and have ICE CREAM!!! Cause you know that ice cream is the most tastiest food on the entire planet. ^-^

# 20 ("This one's for the girls.")

This is (sorta) taken from my journal. I wrote this very early a few mornings ago at 0128 I was still awake. I'd just hung up the phone. I'd been talking to a friend of mine.

I was restless. I went form Boykin to my Bible. The TV to the gerbils. Computer to the Wii. Family to being alone. I wasn't bored. I wasn't lonely. I was restless. Actually, Sara Evan's 'Restless' was very much me. Anyways...

It all started with a simple (grimple, EMMA!!!) status on Gtalk. "Mariah is restless... Just rambling... What do I do? Where do I go?" Then there was my friend. =D Oi. Thank you, God!!! <3>The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it?" Yeah... Now you wouldn't hear that verse and think "I am beautiful." I surely didn't think that. But that is kinda my point. Beauty is so much about personality, heart, attitude. The physical is just secondary. I not only know my attitude, heart, mind, thoughts, etc. but I know how I look in a physical way too. Add all that together and I can see myself better than almost anyone else. God, of course, knowing me better than ANYONE. =D Anyways. I'm not beautiful and I know I am not. I know I am not because I know me. I know how.... awful I am. My friend helped me out though. He pointed out that verse to me? And yeahhh... He reminded me that ALL of us are wicked. He asked me if I thought that most girls were beautiful. I said yes. He asked me why I thought I was the only exception to that. I couldn't honestly say why I thought that. Because I know that all of us are wicked and depraved. I couldn't say that I was necessarily more wicked than anyone else... He told me that there was a bit of a problem in my thought process. He pointed out that while we are all wicked and such, we are ALSO created in God's image. "So what? I know that", was all I could think. All I could do was listen to him and roll my eyes waiting for the point to be made so that I could say all that was wrong with it. But as I listened, butt numb from sitting upon the bathroom counter for so long, my involuntary eye-rolls decreased. The point was that becaise we are made in God's image there is going to be some beauty in us--That what makes us beautiful is God's light and love shining through us. Apparently my problem is that I can see God's love shining through so many people, yet I refused to see it in myself. Let's just say that in the conversation that followed I was told I was beautiful about 3 times and each time I was fighting my instinct to roll my eyes.

By refusing to see our beauty we are telling God that we are displeased with the way He made us. We are telling Him that there is some MORE BEAUTIFUL than God and His love. So. The next time I am told I am beautiful... I will accept it. I will try not to roll my eyes, and I will say thank you. I will let all the praise do to the one who created me, my Heavenly Father.

God, thank you. Thank you for my wonderful friend and his friendship.

Sooo... You can... Maybe you understand what I am trying to say. Maybe I just rambled an awful lot. Who knows. =P

"This one's for the girls// Who've ever had a broken heart// Who've wished upon a shooting star// You're beautiful the way you are// This one's for the girls// Who love without holding back// Who dream with everything they have// All around the world// This one's for the girls."

Now... I hadn't really planned on sharing this. It is kinda personal. But then I thought of my friends... All those beautiful girls I know. The ones that have been feeling a little down... A little ugly. You're not alone. And you're NOT ugly. You're beautiful. You're just the way God wants you to be. And I love you. I daresay that the girls I am talking to are well aware that I mean them... ;)

Anyways! =D I think I'm done. I think I got out all my thoughts... The only real question is if they are going to make any sense to anyone... =P

Your Sister In Christ,
~Mariah

# 19 (Who are you?)

Who are you? What defines you?

I am Mariah. I am a child of God. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend. My thoughts, dreams, passions, dislikes, family, friends, morals, clothes, fears, and even my musical tastes are all things that define who I am.

If you could, would you change something about yourself? What would you change? If you could go back in time and do something different, would you? What would you do differently?

Before you answer those questions, I wanna say something. Who we are is, more than anything, defined by the decisions we make. The choices we choose make us who we are.

You make big decisions. What college to go to, what job to take, which home to buy, and who to marry. Obvious choices such as what book to read, what salad dressing to east, what shoes to wear. Those sneaky "decisions" that barely seem like a choice. Who you say "hi" to, the reactions you have to people, the friends you choose.

All of these choices define who we are. What kinda of person we are. The choices we make, the reactions that result, the lessons that are learned... They make us... Us.

So, I ask you again...

Who are you? Would you change anything about yourself? Would you go back in time to do anything differently?

I know that I am Mariah. That I am just who God wanted me to be. Personally, I wouldn't change who I am. I wouldn't go back to do anything differently. "Some pages turned, some bridges burned, but they were lessons learned." All that I go through, all the lessons I learn are making me who God wants me to be. They are preparing me for what He wants me to do.

I'm not really sure what possessed me to write this, but I know I was up for an hour last night at 3 AM doing so. I'm not sure... What exactly the point of this is besides that I do not think that anyone should change who they are. Or at least not unless they choose it.

Sure, I would have loved to have green eyes, and be a little tiny bit taller. I wouldn't mind being better at math, and being less of a literal thinker. It'd be great if I could be as selfless as my sister Grace, as smart as my brother Jake, as funny as Emma, as sweet as Mike, or as fierce as Isabelle. But if I were any of those things then I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be perfect for whatever God has planned for me. If I hadn't screwed up certain things in my life, I wouldn't be able to help people who'd gone through the same things I had. I trust that no matter what, God can and will use me for something, which is why I'd never go back to do something differently thus changing who I am.

"I am Rosemary's granddaughter, the spitting image of my father, and when the day is done my mama's still my biggest fan. I am clueless and I'm clumsy, but I've got friends that love me and they know just where I stand. That's all a part of me. And that's who I am."

# 18 (St. Judes)

Today, my local radio station 98.7 WMZQ is having their annual Country Cares for Kids St. Judes Radio-a-thon. It is going all day today (Friday) and all day tomorrow (Saturday). They're raising so much money for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. As I type this, I am listening to the radio. I have tears streaming down my face. I continue to get chills.

As I listen to these stories--Stories of pain, sorrow, heartbreak. A mother telling the of the last days she had with her young daughter. The story of a young woman who first came to St. Jude's when she was a young teenager, and is now coming back as a college student--once again for treatment... "I remember when I was younger, I wasn't worried about losing my hair. I thought it was cool. But now? As a woman, your hair is part of you identity. As it falls out I can't help but cry." Well, I cannot help but cry either.

I love the radio-a-thon. It always makes me cry and pray. It shows me over and over again how immensely God has blessed me. As I hear the stories of hope and tears and sorrow and joy... I can't help but cry. God is so amazing. He's blessed me so much. I just pray that if God ever gives me or someone I love a challenges such as this that I can face it head on. That I can face it with faith and courage and strength, that I might be able to trust in Him 100%. I truly cannot imagine what it must be like to watch your child, brother, sister, best friend suffer. I pray I never have to face that.

I am so thankful to MZQ for doing this. It is an amazing thing. If you want to call or donate or even listen live, you can. The phone number is 1-800-963-4673. You can also go to the website to donate. People are donating thousands of dollars--Dollars that will help to find cures. Dollars that will continue to allow St. Jude's to admit people who cannot afford the care, who do not have insurance, and who have to travel great distances to get care.


There are actually 2 songs that I will be sharing with you. One is called "Braid My Hair" by Randy Owen (lead singer of Alabama). The other song is called "Skin" by Rascal Flatts. Both songs are truly beautiful, and I hope that you listen to them.

It fills me with joy as I hear the names of people who are becoming Partners in Hope. Every month they will donate $35 to St. Judes...

And now?! Oh... Oh! Gary Allen's song "Life Ain't Always Beautiful" is playing while a woman tel of the last few days of life she had with her 4 year old son. She's telling of taking him home... Of saying good-bye. Oh! And now it is Rascal Flatt's song, "My Wish For You". My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to // Your dreams stay big // Your worries stay small.

Wow. I just... Oi. *sigh* Today has been and will be a very emotional day--As will tomorrow, I have no doubt. I'm just so thankful to God. This just shows me how very and truly blessed I am. It touches my heart, brings tears to my eyes... I currently have about $50--And yes I am planning on donating it. My siblings will also prolly end up donating something too. I'll let you know what the total ends up being when we do it.

In Christ,

~Mariah

#17 (Super Bowl)

WooHoo!!! WooHoo!!!

YAYAYAYAYAY!!! YAYAYAYAYAY!!!

*screams* *screams*

Okay. So, I am currently watching the Super Bowl!!! =D BTW, I could totally care who wins this... =P I am JUST SO FREAKING EXCITED TO BE WATCHING!!! Football makes me HAPPY. =D

Faith Hill just sang "America The Beautiful" and she (as usual) did an amazing job. That woman is not only drop dead gorgeous, but she has got a heck of a set of pipes. O.O =D

Then Jennifer Hudson sang the National Anthem! =D DANG! It was AMAZING. She was great on American Idol, and in Dream Girls. Just... Oi! That woman can sing!!!

Now it is time for the coin toss! Ooooooh! Who'll get it?! =D Hey, yo, lookie there! General Patreaus! =D Cool! Ohhh. Oh, her it comes!!! =D COIN TOSS!!! Patreaus is flippin' the coin! ARIZONA CARDINALS WON THE COIN TOSS! They are kicking!!! =D =D =D Yayayayayay!!!

Oh. I just had this one thought. *sigh* I have to at least say that I want the Steelers to win or else this one guy I own, *cough* will shun and disown and hunt me down and kill me. So yeah. He is kinda scary fellow too. And he lives close by. So... For you, Asher... GO STEELERS!!!

Oh! =D Steelers just almost got a touchdown! Eeeeep!!! THEY ARE NOT GETTING IT!!! >.<> OMG!!! THE FIRST TOUCHDOWN OF THE GAME!!! STEELERS!!! =D =D =D Wait a sec... >.< *shakes head* Noooo! IT GOT OVERTURNED! No touchdown! *sobs* He kicked it. So... Wow. Oi. Now they have 3 points. Joy. =P Hehehe. Ugh.

Hehehehe. =D Hehehehe. I love SuperBowl commercials. ^_^ They make me happy. =D Okay... =D That Pepsi commercial with Will.i.am was kinda cool. =) But the Doritos commercial where the guy chucked the "crystal ball" at the dude was nice. Hehehe. =P

Now it is the CARDINALS!!! I like them better just cause they are read. =P Hehehehe. That is prolly a bad reason to like them, eh? Ohhh. Ow. Incomplete. Oh! Oh, cool!!! Ben Grahm! The first AUSTRALIAN to play in a SuperBowl! O.O Dude, that is beast. Now I wanna hear him talk. =D Oh. That one guy! Oh! He almost got the ball! Like, I mean catched it and stole it from the Steelers guy. Poor him. Good go. =D

Hehehehe. Conan O'Brian is such an idiot. For sure. I mean... O.o And that Bud Light comercial was creepy and yeah. Icky.

O.O Wow!!! That QB is AMAZING. He was just like... zooming back and forth and not get tackled and then he chucked that ball and they got first down and WOW! Skills. =D Hehehe.

OMG! I LOVE FOOTBALL!!! It is so freaking amazing & awesome & gnarly & hott.

Oh. Wow. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head commercial! It was so funy! I loved her angry eyes! =D Um. Grease monkeys? THOSE ARE CHIMPANZEES. Stupid.

AHHHH!!! THE FIRST (REAL) TOUCHDWON OF THE GAME!!! YAY STEELERS!!! =D AND THEY GOT THE EXTRA POINT THINGIE! =D

Ummm. Wow. Hehehehe. I like that Pepsi commercial with the "real men". =D That was beast. Oh!!! THE BUDWEISER COMMERCIAL!!! Hehehe. I love those horses! Clydsdales. *sigh* That was an awesome show off fellow. Awww. ANOTHER ONE!!! he running to find his dancing beauty! And... Wow! =D Hehehehehe! This is so beast! Hehehe. =D

Oh dear me. =P I have to go pee. And get on jammies. *sigh* So yeah. I will miss some stuff. But that is okay. Cause I only just ADORE football. I don't really understand it that well. Hehehehe. =D Okay. Back. I know you missed me. =P =D Yeah. So I guess I missed some stuff. Like...

ARIZONA GOT A TOUCHDOWN AND THEIR SPECIAL POINT!!! O.O YAYAYAYAYY!!! It really is too bad I missed it. *sigh* Yeahhh.

Okay! Yay! =D Dude! He just was able to run 35 yards! =D That was very far... =D Oh!!! That dude just let the dang ball HIT HIM IN THE HANDS! Eeep! That was baddd. Oh! But then that little guy ran SO FAST and tackled him and then pranced a little bit. Hehehe. =D Yeahhh.

Okay... I know that this will sound SO lame... BUT I CAN'T WAIT FOR HALF TIME!!! I LOVE Bruce Springsteen! <3 Hehehehe.

OMG OMG OMG!!! TOUCHDOWN FOR PITSSBURGH!!! OMG OMG OMG!!! BEAUTIFUL!!! INTERCEPTION AND TOUCHDOWN. THE LONGEST PLAY IN SUPEBOWL HISTORY!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! OVER 100 YARDS!!!

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!

BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND THE E STREET BAND!!!!!!

*composes self*

I am so excited!!! Hehehehe. =D

YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!!!!!

=D =D =D =D =D

"Glory Days"!!! <3>

Okay. I am better now. Hehehe.

Okay... So I have not been watching too much... =P BUT!!!

OMG OMG OMG!!! ARIZONA WITH A TOUCHDOWN!!! 22-20 ARIZONA IS WINNING!!! Eeep! =D

Ahhhhhh!!! Okay... STEELERS WON!!! O.O Hehehehe. =D WOW! That was a great game! And it was SO close at the end!!! =D Hehehe. =D Ahhhhhh!

AMAZING GAME!!! This was so beast, super close... OMG! =D YAYAYAYAY!!! =D

Okay. I am done now. And almost better. =D Hehehe. I am done jumping up and down. Done screaming. Done hollering. *breathes* =D

# 16 (Growing up)

So. It is exactly 1432. I am here. At my sister's desk on her computer. I am awake, alive, and so at peace. =)

I was sorta thinking though. I mean about growing up. I've decided that is kinda sucks & I don't really wanna do it & I would like to be Peter Pan when I grow up.

I've already done a pretty good job at avoidance. I turn 17 in March and I don't have my license, or my learner's permit. The only job I've had is that of a youth umpire. I'm still workin' through high-school, not even taking college classes. To say the least I a maybe a wee bit behind. =/

But a friend of mine helped me out a while ago. He told me a story... A nice one with a moral and everything. ^_^ He also gave me the smack I needed.

So. I made a plan. I know what I need to do. I pretty much gave my own self a pep talk (And can I just say it was a very good one? I am a good pep-talker. =D)

A less private version on my pep talk goes like this:

"Okay, Self. We need to talk. Now, know that I love you, and I'm only looking out for your best interests. Also I can tell that I need to remind you that God loves you too. He has a plan for you. He is there for you no matter what. He is there to guide you. All you need to do, Self, is listen to Him. Have faith in Him. Trust in Him. It doesn't sound all that difficult, but I know that this is one of those many things that is easier said than done. You're not alone, Self. Not only is God with you but you've got some super amazing, and gorgeous friends that are there for you--maybe even going through the same things you are. So get over yourself, girl. Hop to it, get to work! You're not sleeping in and you're not awake. All you are doing is sleepwalking which is more pathetic than just straight up sleeping in, anyways! You can do it, God will help you."

Anyways... Yeah. About the sleeping in thing. There is this song called "Sleeping In" by a group called Nevertheless. It is a pretty good song to describe me and how I am behaving right now.

I've been sleeping in for days//'Cause when I am awake//I will have to face my life//And it's got me sleeping in//Every day God, it's the same thing//Yeah, you caught me sleeping in//I'm still hiding; I'm still waiting//I need you here with me to face the world outside//Cause I'm tired of sleeping in.

So yeah... I am not quite sleeping in... More sleepwalking. I am trying to be face my life and the world yet I am not doing it face on. If you're not going to do something 100% it is just kinda pointless. Especially when it comes down to life. =P So, I was praying and reading my Bible and thinking. God is really with me today. He made Himself known to me. Yesterday when I ripped of Friday's Bible verse I didn't really read Saturday/Sunday's. Well... Today I did. The verse that I read struck me. It was just what I am going through, having trouble with, and God showed it to me today. =)

Jeremiah 6:16

This is what the LORD says: "Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.

So anyways. That is really all I had to say. This is kinda why I have been like... Not posting very much. Why I've been in a foul mood. This is my current struggle, sad as it may be. =P *sigh* Okay. I'm out. I need some food. And I think I'll go on a nice walk with my sister and my dog. Laters, peeps.

~Riah